Motivation
by Jo Wilson
Summary: My take on Alex and Olivia. Post 'Lewis Years'. AU, and I hold my hands up and say I've not watched many episodes past Season 12 so timelines and such may be a little squiffy.  'She'd never admit it, but Alexandra Cabot was ultimately motivated by three things: food, sex and Olivia Benson. Combine all those elements and you get… .'
1. Chapter 1

Naturally, the usual disclaimers apply.

'…a fuck tonne of laundry to do.' Olivia cursed to her friend of over a decade, Alex, during one of their frequent telephone conversations.

Alex chuckled at Olivia's exasperated tone. Her 'nephew' Noah had decided to extend his recently developed interest in art from the designated 'scribble spot' in the kitchen to the living room carpet, the hallway walls and his entire bedroom; leaving Olivia to handle a trail of destruction only rivalled, according to Olivia's colourful description, by "Someone staggering through an apartment with an arterial bleed."

Alex listened as Olivia continued her impassioned tirade. The three foot, thirty pound three year old responsible for the 'crime' was now on house arrest for the remainder of the weekend, banned from using his finger paints without strict supervision for the foreseeable future and sulking on the couch as he'd been firmly informed that there would be no visit to the park with Jesse the following morning as 'actions have consequences', something his mother was trying to firmly but fairly instil in the young boy's mind.

Olivia held the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she shoved the third load of Noah's clothes into the dryer, querying out loud to Alex as to why her son seemingly had more clothes than she, a grown woman, did before she teasingly said "Wait. I've been told I'm something of a detective. I can figure this out…his Aunty Alex can't help buying him something new every time she goes shopping can she?".

Alex didn't even attempt to deny the accusation. She loved spoiling 'her little man' (and his mother), and she couldn't deny the warmth and happiness she felt inside whenever she and Olivia took the little boy out together, dressed in his latest additions to his wardrobe. He'd usually insist on walking in between them so he could hold both their hands, and they'd usually end up swinging him between them on the walk home.

Her mind wandered briefly to such a walk. They'd taken Noah to see the Lego Batman Movie, and as they were leaving the theatre, Noah had first taken Olivia's hand before deciding he wanted 'his Lexi' to carry him.

Olivia had taken her purse for her as she crouched down to pick the little boy up. He'd then snuggled his head into her neck, his small hand in her hair as his mother placed a gentle hand on her back and checked she was okay carrying him.

She'd nodded in response when an older woman approached them with two boisterous children-presumably her grandchildren-in tow and had said how impressed she was with Noah's behaviour during the film, before taking Olivia's hand gently in hers and telling her she had 'a beautiful family' and that she should 'treasure every moment' with them.

The compliment had somewhat startled her, but Olivia's response had startled her further.

She could clearly remember the look in Olivia's eyes, and the smile on her face, as she had softly replied with "Thank You for saying so, and believe me Ma'am, I do."

She felt the blush rising to her cheeks as it had late that afternoon, and had to physically shake her head as she heard "Alex? You okay? Or am I boring you?".

She managed to get herself together enough to reply with "No, not at all. Just thinking… ." to which her friend replied "I'd be surprised if you ever stopped Counsellor. Whatcha thinking about?".

Her verbal response was far different than her mental response.

"I was thinking I could get dinner for you, me and little man. You've both had an eventful afternoon, and I figured I could handle making sure you're both fed tonight."

'I was thinking how wonderful our lives could be. You, me and little man. Having dinner together every night, snuggling on the sofa after we've put our baby boy to bed...making love late in the night when he's sure not to stir.'

She was roused from her chain of thought as she heard Olivia call out "Hey Noah, would you like to eat with Aunty Alex tonight?" and she beamed as she heard him yell happily "My Lexi coming to see me!".

Olivia's happy snort made her smile harder as she said "I think you have a date. See you in an hour or so?".

Alex nodded, even though her friend couldn't see her, and said "Sure. Shall we order when I arrive?".

Olivia replied in the affirmative, and they ended the call a few moments later, leaving Alex and Olivia in a similar predicament.

'What to wear on a 'date' with your best friend and a grounded toddler… .'


	2. Chapter 2

Fifty minutes later, Alex was standing outside Olivia's front door dressed in a crisp white vest top, a loose beige cardigan, light blue fitted jeans she *knew* Olivia had checked her ass out in more than once and a pair of cream flats, her smaller tote hanging off her elbow as she knocked on the door.

Olivia had just finished running her straighteners through her hair when she heard the door knock. Switching them off, she double checked her reflection in the bedroom mirror, and smoothed down the dark green three quarter length top Alex had told her 'she adored on her', teamed with dark blue boyfriend jeans.

She made her way to the door, Noah jumping up and down in excitement.

She smiled widely as she saw her friend, and ushered her in, giving her a quick but firm hug before Noah threw himself at Alex's legs and wrapped his arms around her waist as best he could before he bolted back to the couch, patting either side of him to indicate they should sit with him.

Olivia first poured them each a glass of wine, and Noah a cup of juice, before making her way back to them. She sat down, casually placing her arm around her son and her friend as her little boy animatedly explained his latest Lego project to the blonde.

She was content to watch them interact, her own mind wandering to the various 'What Ifs' and 'Maybes' as she watched one of her oldest and dearest friends, one that despite her absences, had always found a way to stay in touch and had *always* come back to her when she heard "Earth to Liv… ."

The brunette looked up and said "Hey Lex, sorry. What are you two talking about?".

Alex grinned as she said "Noah and I have decided we want pizza for dinner if that's okay with you Mommy."

Olivia nodded as Noah very seriously informed her "No mushrooms Mommy. Pineapple is okay, but not mushrooms."

Given her orders, Olivia grabbed her phone and ordered their food-a large salami milano, goats cheese and roasted pepper pizza for her and Alex, a small ham and pineapple pizza for Noah and a medium garlic bread for them to share-satisfied that her son was at least getting some fruit with his dinner before turning her attention back to the pair now deciding what film to watch during dinner.

Alex 'won' the case for Wall-E, and Liv smiled to herself as she remembered the last time they'd watched it together. They'd fallen asleep on the couch together under blankets, Noah initially sprawled out across them both before he'd seemingly woken up and taken himself to bed, leaving them alone and sleeping in one another's arms as the DVD menu played on until the television switched itself off.

It hadn't felt awkward or weird to wake up with Alex in her arms that night, and she had gently lifted her up into her arms and taken her into her bedroom, the blonde only stirring long enough to ask Liv where she was going. She'd quietly told her she needed to check on Noah and use the bathroom, and her stomach had clenched and her eyes had watered as the blonde snuggled into her comforter had sleepily replied "Okay, but please don't be too long. You keep the dreams away so I can sleep."

She'd known Alex had long struggled with anxiety and insomnia, having helped her through a number of anxiety attacks over the years-their frequency increasing after her final return to New York after the Velez 'shit show' as she referred to it-and had discovered quite by accident that Alex found it easier to fall asleep if she called for 'a chat' after Alex fell asleep on speaker phone to her one night shortly after they'd started working together.

They had tentatively started to explore furthering their friendship before the shooting, but hadn't gotten any further than arranging their first 'date' before they'd been torn apart.

Privately, they both knew they were partly at fault for the lack of communication over their feelings, but Olivia knew-whether they'd admitted it out loud or not-that much of the issue was based around their own fears and insecurities, with her biggest fear being that one day Alex would leave and never come back, the way Elliot had left her further compounding those fears for her.

Unbeknown to Olivia, Alex had similar fears, albeit for differing reasons. She feared having Olivia taken from her, either in the line of duty or through other means, and she'd chosen to keep her distance somewhat until William Lewis appeared in their lives.

When she'd heard Lewis had taken his own life, his final act in his twisted mind games with Liv, she'd cried. She'd cried tears of relief that Olivia was safe, cried tears of sorrow knowing what Olivia experienced and what Olivia was likely going to continue to experience, and cried tears of joy knowing that the bastard was never coming back from a bullet in the head. That he could never hurt Olivia, or anyone else, ever again.

From that point on, Alex had sworn she'd be in Olivia's life one way or another, and whilst they'd blown up at one another in the initial stages of rebuilding their friendship to the point it was at now, they'd never touched upon the true underlying reasons as to why.

Watching Alex with Noah, Olivia knew they'd need to discuss them before they could consider moving forward, but she was sick of going backward. She was sick of holding onto old insecurities about her sexuality and her job, sick of worrying about whether she could hurt Alex the way her father had hurt her mother, sick of wondering what they might have been had Liam Collins not taken that shot on that fateful night.

She was sick of allowing the past to dictate the present and the future. So Olivia Benson made a decision as she watched her dear friend smother her son's tummy in raspberries as he shrieked in delight.

Alexandra Cabot was her past, present and future. She'd never imagined she'd be a mother, and yet she'd been blessed with her wonderful son, the beautiful boy now tickling his "Favourite lady 'cept Mommy" in retaliation for her 'tummy torture'.

Olivia Benson decided she'd be damned if she was going to allow fearfulness to dictate her existence any longer.


End file.
